it’s dawn
it’s always dawn on this road
I walk to the east
hoping to catch a glimpse
of the sun
of the light
but it never rises
it never sets
it’s always dawn
hope for a new day
that never comes
the flowers yearn to open
and welcome the day
it’s always dawn
so I walk along on this road
never ending
never changing
dawn is all I know
a light in the woods
catches my eye
the nymphs and fawns
frolic and dance
dancing in glee
for they see the sun
just there
on the horizon
so I leave this trodden road
eager to dance
to live
to be free
free from this ever present
ever crushing
dark of dawn
I glimpse the sun
I feel the warmth
I see the light
I dance!
two left feet and I fall
no more I see the sun
no more it’s warmth
no more the light
the dawn is all I see
and so the road beckons my return
I know this road
I know this dawn
a darkness that I have been part of for oh so long
the darkness that I have
will keep the light at bay
will keep the warmth away
and so I return
to the road that entraps
it’s always dawn
walking
wandering
wishing I could leave
praying I could just stop my feet
but the sun never comes
the light never shines
the darkness of dawn
binds my fee to this path
binds my soul to this road
and so I yearn for the road
I wait for the dark
hoping for night to come
to finally come
and end this waiting
waiting for the light
I’ve realized something that I want to share.
I tend to be very private about some parts of my life and very vocal about other parts.
It’s weird what parts I choose to talk about and which parts I’m so ashamed of that I refuse to even acknowledge they exist to anyone outside of my head. Even with my close friends. We’ll talk about our sex lives, problems at work, problems with family, problems with each other, etc.. One thing we rarely, if ever, talk about is depression. I am depressed. I’m not like depressed all the time, it comes and goes.
My therapist suggested I try writing. So I’ve been writing lately. My last poem was one. I was very reluctant to share it with my friends or family. Hell, I didn’t even want to post it only to complete strangers. But it’s OK to talk about. I’m not the only person I know that suffers from depression, perhaps my friends can help me, and I them. But how is that going to happen if we don’t talk about it? It’s just like any other problem in my life. So that’s what I’m doing. I posted the poem online for the world to read. Even though I really don’t want to open myself up like that, I realize that for me to grow I need to open myself up like that.
Anywho, just wanted to post a little something about me and to let you all know that it’s OK to talk about your depression. And if your friends aren’t comfortable with it themselves, give them time, hopefully they’ll come around.
So I wrote this poem. It’s kinda dark, but I would love to hear your comments on it.
The Need
In the dead of night
In the pitch of black
Like and owl swoop down for the kill
It comes
It seeks to swallow and consume
Like the coiled snake waits to consume its still quivering meal
It waits and seeks out the prey it knows will be you
It feasts and feeds upon your soul
You know it eats
You know it consumes
Yet, you let it be
You watch it devour you
First your heart
Then your mind
Then your body and soul
It wants you
It needs you
It consumes you
It feeds on your body
You feel the pain
You feel its teeth sink into your flesh
Your succulent and tasty pink flesh
You love the pain this bite brings
You love the ecstasy of the pain
If feels like light in the never ending darkness
The light of this pain is all that you need
It makes you feel safe, secure, needed
And it does need you
It needs you to hurt
It needs you to weep
It needs you to bleed
The blood flows freely now
Freely from your wrist
You let it all out to feed the need
The secret need of this beast
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